Todd Shurn and his mother, Alice, in 2013. Todd became a fulltime caregiver when his mother could no longer live on her own due to dementia. Photo courtesy of Todd Shurn. Todd Shurn and his mother, Alice, in 2013. Todd became a fulltime caregiver when his mother could no longer live on her own due to dementia. Photo courtesy of Todd Shurn.

Editor’s Note: The Jan. 15 deadline for submissions to the John A. Hartford Foundation’s second annual story contest is fast approaching. This year’s theme is Better Caregiving, Better Lives: Real Life Strategies and Solutions, and we are looking for stories from family caregivers and health care providers that illustrate the strategies and solutions caregivers are using to effectively and gracefully care for older adults. We are especially interested in stories about caring for older adults with dementia/Alzheimer’s disease.

So today, we share a dementia caregiving story written by one of this year’s contest judges, Yanick Rice Lamb, who teaches journalism at Howard University and is co-founder of FierceforBlackWomen.com, which partnered with TheRoot.com on the article. Lamb wrote a special introduction for Health AGEnda discussing how she approached writing the story and what she hoped to accomplish. It is our hope that Yanick’s behind-the-scenes insights into the writing process and her well-written, moving story will inspire others to share their own stories with us, and shine a light on how to “show” a story, not just “tell” it.

The Story as a Roadmap

Many caregiving stories are love stories: the love between a parent and child, partners, siblings, friends. This also includes health-care providers who have a passion for their work —the kind of love my mother had for nursing. My goal is to capture the full range of such stories, showing the ups and downs, funny moments, challenges, and the little things that caregivers wish they knew beforehand.

In “Dealing With Dementia,” I share the story of a mother and son, Alice and Todd Shurn. Like many caregivers, Todd embarked on his journey without a roadmap. He was guided simply by his love for his mother and commitment to care for her to the best of his ability.

The Shurns’ story stood out among all the interviews I’ve conducted on caregiving and dementia. And of all the stories, I’ve written over the years, this was the hardest to write, because it struck closest to home. My siblings and I were dealing with a loved one of our own with dementia, and our mother passed away on Easter as I was attempting to wrap up my article.

Pushing through my grief also made this one of the most fulfilling and well-received stories that I have written.

I wanted to help people understand what it’s like to deal with dementia by showing the Shurns’ everyday life. “Show” is the key word here. I set out to “show” their story, not just “tell” their story. Seeing Mrs. Shurn fall into the Christmas tree mirrors what other caregivers might experience when trying to figure out what’s going on with their family member. Those who are trying to wrest away car keys for safety reasons might relate to the time Mrs. Shurn lost her way while picking up her husband from dialysis treatment.

Another goal was to clear up some of the confusion about the different types of dementia. Some people don’t understand that Alzheimer’s disease isn’t separate from dementia; it’s the largest form under the dementia umbrella. Mrs. Shurn had dementia with Lewy bodies; my mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia.

In addition to illustrating how dementia can make someone behave in unimaginable ways that are not necessarily “on purpose,” it was important to show Mrs. Shurn’s life before dementia and all that she had accomplished. The joys of life after dementia are important, too, as Todd points out. He enjoyed his mother’s sense of humor, their excursions around Washington, D.C., and trips back home to Benton Harbor, Michigan.

Like my brother, Todd is among a small but growing number of men who are primary caregivers. These are untold stories that we often don’t hear, but that resonate with people of all backgrounds. Sharing these stories can be cathartic, but they also serve as roadmaps, whether they help people understand which way to turn or simply what they’re seeing along the way.

Read the Full Story: Dealing With Dementia

A condensed version of the story appeared on TheRoot.com and on nextavenue.org.

Remember: The deadline to submit your story is Jan. 15, 2015. For full details on "Better Careving, Better Lives: The 2014-15 John A. Hartford Foundation Story Contest," please visit our story contest page.